In the last post I talked about how to accept help and be with people you can trust to support you. This post I want to talk about cozy ways to get together that help us bond, build trust, and have fun doing it. In my youth, the parties I had and friends who attended them were… debauchery.
We weren’t bad people, but I’m not in touch with many of them today. And I definitely don’t feel close to them. Nor can I rely on them to be there for me if I needed someone. Let’s take a look at the ways I’ve built my current relationships and have been connecting that leave me feeling cared about, and not as though I have to convince anyone that I’m measuring up to standards of influencers or current trends. Because your true friends will accept you and your definition of happiness. How you define success by living your authentic life. Not the ones sold to us. I’m looking at you (enter current designer’s name here)…
How the Space in Your Home is Used Matters
One of the aspects of a house I hadn’t realized that plays a part in making it feel like a home is how often a space is used. I’ve lived in a lot of apartments and homes. The ones that felt most like home to me were those that I spent the most time cleaning. Especially the corners that were seldom used.
For example, when I was living with my father, our house just didn’t feel like our home. I think two of the biggest contributing factors were that the rooms’ furniture and layout hadn’t changed since my grandparents bought the house over 70 years ago. This wouldn’t be so bad if we were using them and made memories there. But they were left largely untouched. A shrine to the past like a relic in a museum gathering dust that no one visited. Special, but cold, distant and lonely feeling. Which is reason number two for not feeling at home, feeling alone.
We seldom had visitors in our house. It was just the three of us, in the same three rooms, watching TV, cooking, and eating, no special gatherings save for the weekly family dinners I tried to implement. No impromptu meals with friends and neighbors popping by to say hi. Just polite conversations, rigid boundaries and a fear of leaving our comfort zones.
I moved out of my family’s house pretty recently, and since I’ve been in my new place I’ve felt so much more at home. The main reason for this is sharing my space with friends, and gathering in more spontaneous ways. I also cleaned every corner of the place and our shared spaces. If you’re looking for a way to make your place feel more homey, bringing your friends together can help manifest the feelings of comfort and closeness that being at home feels like. Let’s go home by getting back to basics: food.
Setting the Table With the Ingredients That Bring It all Together
Cooking is such an elementary way to bring people together that it never goes out of style. It doesn’t matter who you are, we all have our favorite dishes and family recipes. And sharing them can make any occasion feel special and more cozy. Sharing the foods that feel like home to you makes your house feel like home. It smells like home while you’re cooking, and sharing the work feels like you’re not alone. To this day the smell of roasted potatoes and rosemary have a special place in my heart. One that says, “My home is what makes me happy. I want to share my home and my happiness with you”.
The foods we like are something that is as personal as each person is unique. I want to focus on how to set the scene for your gathering by sharing your favorite dishes. But if you’re looking for culinary inspiration, head over to Minimalist Baker’s site for recipes and ideas to take your food game to the next level.
Informal Dinner Parties
The question, how do we bring these pieces of home together and share them with one another? A dinner party is the most obvious way to bring our most loved dishes and traditions together. But it can feel a little formal or ordinary if you go the traditional route. But if the end goal is to eat together and feel at home, what other options do we have? I think the answer lay in the layout of your spread.
Spreading Out Your Spread
Like I said above, my family home was a cold and empty place. Seldom used and rarely visited by family and friends. In my new place however, I’ve already begun dismantling the unhealthy patterns of my past by creating an inviting environment where friends can come and go as they please. This breeds a familiarity that is the foundation of any home. One of the ways I’ve been putting this into practice is by spreading out the food for small, intimate gatherings.
For example, we had our first dinner guest over not long ago, and I turned the coffee table into an anti-pasta station. This way people could gather and talk where there’s food, giving an old space a new use and feel. Kind of like an old T-shirt that you wear all the time. The more you wear it, the more you associate it with the happy memories you made, and where you were while wearing it. The same with the rooms in your house. The more they’re used to gather and have light-hearted conversation, the more comfy they feel and imbue you with positive feelings.
The Strategy
FOOD: For this, I suggest having stations placed around the house. Right you can see I turned the coffee table into an anti-pasta station. Not keeping things confined to one place like the kitchen, allows people to spread out and gives them reason to move around. To find comfortable corners to take a break from the crowd, or find fresh conversations to join.
You can also use book shelves for snacks, clearing out a section to place small bites. Try using a space where it will be easy to see so it doesn’t get overlooked. Maybe in a spot that’s shoulder level and in a high traffic area. Like near the bathroom, or in the threshold of your kitchen. Also using backlighting around your snacks can highlight the space, making it feel special. Bellow you can see I’ve put a small lamp in this cozy cubby:
Also using various sized bowls for your snacks and offerings is a great way to bring some fun and interest to your space. Some eye candy for your hungry guests. You can see left that I’ve used bowls made from different material. Glass, wood and porcelain bowls all help to bring color and texture to your spread. This is something my parents did that struck a chord with me.
LIGHTING: Lighting is also an important element in setting the tone for the evening. My preference is to not have overhead lights on, ever really. I usually have a few candles burning and some string lights spread throughout the space. I find that the softer, diffused lighting creates a more comfortable and intimate setting. Calming and cozy.
Above you can see how I took a few string lights and some candles, and made the space feel softer. The diffused lighting lending the place to gather a gentle glow, resulting in a space that feels more special and intimate.
If you’re lucky enough to have a firepit in your backyard like I am, then you’ll also want to use this as a space to gather. There’s not much cozier than the crackle of a good fire. And the light it throws is soft and comforting. Not to mention the smells. This is also a good place to put snacks out, for guests to graze on while they spark up a conversation.
And just because you have a fire going, doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for more lighting. My neighbor gifted me this Turkish inspired solar lantern. The pattern it throws is stunning, making any area it’s lighting feel more special. I plan on getting more and placing them around the yard. And these LED globe string-lights I found on Amazon, mixed with some smaller, LED, string fairy lights, highlight the drink station for an added touch of elegance.
The Comfy & Cozy Factor: This is an important element of any party. Especially if you’re in the Northeast part of the country like me. One of the best times of year to have a fire is late summer to fall. The air has a crisp chill to it but it’s not so cold that you can’t feel your face (but in NE we’ll still have an iced coffee from Dunks’ in our hands…). There are a few things you can do to help make your guests feel more at home. And since this isn’t your typical dressy type of gathering, you won’t need to adhere to a specific fashion educate here. The more informal the better.
For this added touch of soft and cozy, I like to have throw blankets scattered around. This is mostly for outdoor sittin’, but you can use them inside too. We’re going for slumber-party vibes here. Think on how to get your space to feel like it’s a giant, beautifully lit blanket fort, filled with satisfying drinks and snacks.
I have a variety of blankets on hand for this, and any occasion really. My speed now-a-days is to be as cozy as possible. If you find you have a deficit of cozy throws, you don’t have to buy expensive brand name textiles. I got a good portion of my blankets from the thrift shop. My favorite is the green woolen one above with the felted flowers. An older woman pulled it out of a pile of blankets and passed on it so I swooped in and grabbed it for only $5 I think. The same one is selling on ebay for $60.
Another idea involving textiles that was inspired by a friend asking to borrow a sweatshirt while around the fire is, when your guests are outside or around the fire pit, put sweatshirts somewhere close by that they can grab and borrow if they get cold. Something you would do at home, only at your friend’s. That familiarity I was talking about above, making your home feel like an extension of theirs and breaking the polite boundaries we feel bound to as guests, is the key to building intimacy.
Settling in for the Night
It’s these kinds of attention to detail that will make your home feel like a place you want to settle into and get cozy for the night. Surrounded by good food, satisfying drink, great conversation, in comfortable clothes, all bathed in a soothing light. Throw in a few good tunes and try not feeling like you’re in a cozy yurt, talking under the stars in a relaxing, beautiful space.
And the freedom to move in and out of the house at will, finding new snacks and a buffet of conversation, cozy places to park and get cozy, really drives home the feeling of being at home. Surrounded by good friends and feelings of ease. I can’t think of a place I’d rather be.
Hope these ideas spark some inspo for your next gathering. If you’re used to the usual format of getting together, having a few drinks and standing around in the kitchen, maybe wearing a bit too much cologne, water pooling around the drink station from spilled drinks and melting ice, maybe switch up the format of you party. Choosing cozy over feeling like you have to fit the standard of a “mature” party. Because sometimes you just need to get cozy with friends and feel at home around the people you love most.
I’ll leave you with a cozy little fairy house I found on a hike in the woods with a friend, close to where I live for no other reason than it feels cozy. Peace, & thanks for reading :)🏔️🌙
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