Craft & Quality Are Not Mutually Exclusive to Name-Brands

This is something that I wrestled with when I was younger, and the basis for my former blog, No Labels Living (thanks to the 10 people that read it(;). This is because, the family I grew up in was image obsessed. We were more concerned with how we looked to other people and eachother than how we treated ourselves and eachother (My spellcheck is working, I’m making eachother one word:). Quality and craft weren’t even in the equation. Let me explain what I’m talking about.

Rush Hour & The Confusion of a Moment’s Notice

I have a lot of stories involving my morning commute : ) While I was commuting into Roxbury from a small town on the North Shore, I was on the bus/train for about an hour and a half, three hours round trip. I realized a few things during this commute: First, I don’t like commuting for 3 hours. Second, it seemed like EVERYBODY was vying for one another’s attention, but only for the space of time that we shared between T-stops.

This is really strange to me. First, why does it matter? We literally only had a handful of minutes, if that, with eachother and we were so worried about what the other person thought of us. Someone we probably don’t know and will likely not see again. And second, we all had the same brand name clothing or items anyway. Things we weren’t even noticing anyway because we were too scared to look up from our phones. So my question is, who cares? I’m not telling you, I’m curious. I think the only one who cares about how we look in a train full of commuters is the one worrying.

Why do We So Badly Want To Be Seen?

I’m not sure I know the answer to this, but I think it has to do with not knowing what we like and not liking ourselves so we defaulting to popular culture for guidance. We confuse our authentic, confident selves (what we already are) with the item/brand that someone we look up to wears or owns and is being sold to us. This is because we see them as having whatever trait we desire; confidence, authenticity… We then project those desired traits onto the item/brand they own/wear. We then think that if we own or wear that same item/brand, we will embody the desired traits of the person we look up to by virtue of wearing the same item/brand. But those traits are already inside of us. We need only to recognize them as our own. And the person sporting the item/brand, is also confusing their acceptance with the item/brand they’re associated with, because it gives them attention, and in turn makes them feel special/confident… Not realizing they are already worthy of love and belonging.

Take a celebrity or an influential person in your friend-group (think Mean Girls) that you look up to. You want to emulate them because of their positive traits. Traits you want to imbue and radiate so others will like and accept you as much as you like and accept the friend/celebrity. Let’s say they wear a hat from a designer that you think they look good in. You start to associate their positive personality traits with how they look in the hat, because they look good and confident when wearing it. You then project those traits onto the hat because Your friend/celebrity is projecting traits onto and idealizing the hat too. Probably because they get positive feedback from people like you, who idealize them, or it’s in style and desired. This gives you both “evidence” that the hat is worth idealizing because both of you confused the hat with the crux of their desirability and belonging. Not their actual character traits which have nothing to do with the hat. They have those traits with or without the hat. So you buy and wear the hat thinking you’ll be accepted the same way your friend/celebrity is because you like and accept them. You look to them for guidance on how to belong, you look like them because you both have the same hat, and they belong the way you want to belong because you like and accept them. And in your mind you think everybody feels the same way as you do about your friend/celebrity and idealized hat. But does that really make any sense?

What we’re missing and why we’ll never be able to capture that essence of desirability of another is, because it isn’t the things we own that make us who we are. It’s the way we treat others and ourselves that makes us “desirable” and most importantly, makes us authentically us. Self love and self acceptance is what we’re after. And if we’re all looking to be liked for the things we buy or own, including the people we look up to, then there’s a good chance we already don’t like who we are because we think we need to cover ourselves up with idealized hats from idealized role-models, that aren’t really a reflection of our authentic selves. We’re all just trying to be accepted. But we need to start by accepting ourselves.

“I Don’t Want to Be Anything Other Than Me“

As far as material items go and cultivating our own unique style, what we aren’t taught is that just because something isn’t trendy, doesn’t mean it can’t be cool or desirable BECAUSE of its quality, craft and uniqueness, and a reflection of our own unique style. A unique expression of ourselves, who we are and what we like.

Fitting in With the Herd

But instead we buy trends and brands that have a short shelf life because new ones pop up every few months, while the “old” trends end up in the trash. We look to which ever influencer/celebrity is popular in the moment for guidance on how to belong, thinking they’re experts in belonging because of how popular they are. We confuse popularity for belonging. But this way of belonging is driven by our fear of being rejected by our peers. Something that you are manipulated into feeling by the looks the models are modeling while looking condescendingly at you in the new trend. As if you don’t belong while you try to decide if you’re going to buy the trend, the one thing that imbues them with belonging, and so you will belong if you buy it. So we buy what the influencer/celebrity and everyone else has or is talking about, out of fear. So we can feel secure in our belonging, while everyone else is doing the same. But the kicker is, none of the models look even remotely happy, and buying the item doesn’t make the fear go away, because we keep buying new trends. Quality doesn’t even enter the equation. So my question is, why would we want to buy something that makes us miserable? No Bueno.

This is what I think is meant by herd mentality. And to be fair, there are trendy brands out there that are making quality products. But they’re most likely more expensive than cheaper alternative brands of equal quality, just not as popular. The recent Carhartt trend is one I’m hopeful for because their products are definitely of high quality and durable.

Cultivating Style & Authenticity With a Focus on Quality

This isn’t easy. I think this has to do how we look to others to be told who we are. For me, I was taking cues from my parents. As I’ve said before in my post on Home-Ec, my grandmother was a model, and we also had the cold, reserved, English, family culture where you don’t talk about sex, emotions or money. When you’re too scared to talk about yourself and what you like with your family, you’re most likely going to do whatever it takes to win their good regard, regardless of the abuse you may be sustaining. And you definitely won’t be concerned with quality when you’re love and belonging are on the line.

Crafting Quality

Learning to knit, crochet or sew is something that can not only be a fun pass time, but you can also literally tailer make your clothing to suit your liking. I made a comically large pair of pants when I was in high school by cutting up the inseam and outseam of a pair of khakis, and made patches from old clothing to make a pair of pants that were trendy during the mid-90s. Think Jencos, but with brightly colored panels down the seams. I believe I wore them everyday for close to a year. Considering how old I was and the things I was probably doing, those pants were extraordinarily durable.

More recently I’ve made a pouch that holds most of the things I carry with me during the day. I call it my “Man Clutch”, because it’s like a purse, only it’s small, and I tailor made it to hold only the things that I need. It’s super durable, made from recycled materials I got from the thrift and craft stores, so I made it on the cheap, and hand sewn items have a durability that most brands just can’t match.

Buying Quality

Carhartt

There are some brands that are my go-to for certain items. Carhartt, as I said above, is super durable. Their double front duck pants in particular are one of my favorites. A man I used to work with turned me on to them. He looked like a white version of Bob Marley, and wore Carhartt’s rolled up to his mid-calf. He used to tell stories about how him and his brothers would go into the woods and shake dead trees until they fell. Maybe not the safest thing to do, but it sounds fun : )

Pact

Pact is a clothing company that I found recently. Their wears are made from organic cotton mostly, which means you can throw them into the compost pile when you’ve worn them out. They also breath well, and feel better than poly-cotton blends. It also helps that they have a Grateful Dead option as well. Their clothes also lack an oversized designer’s name emblazoned across the front of them and have a clean look and design to them. And some of the models are actually smiling in their photos : )

L. L. Bean

And of course, being from New England, L. L. Bean made the list. Their clothing is durable, especially their Duck Boots, which seem to last forever. And what kid didn’t have an L. L. Bean backpack when they were in school. These packs lasted for up to seven years, which is no small feat considering that they’re being touted by reckless teenagers. Anything that can last a year with a 16 year-old me has got my stamp of approval. Their prices are reasonable too for the quality of their product which is a welcome bonus.

Checking Out

So friends, if you’re stuck on the bandwagon and looking to get off, you’re not alone and you have options. Finding out what you actually like and not whatever is trending can be a lot of fun. Which makes sense, because you’re discovering what you actually like. And when I’m surrounded with the people and items that I enjoy being around, I have more fun. So get out there and discover what makes you happy. Start with thrift shops. You may have to do some digging, but you will find unique items, and who knows what else you’ll find : ) So get out there and find you, and what makes you, you. Peace 🏔️🌙🌧️🕯️💜💙